Happy Birthday to Erika... She would be 23 today. We miss you Erika very much!!
Go by her DevArt page and drop a note or visit her memorial page: [link]

Hello to Mandi! Erika's baby sister who is new to DeviantART... and from the look of her gallery folks she has talent as well as the looks. Go by and give her a hello and take a look through her gallery!

As for me, I'm on vacation this week and enjoying the time off. We're working on 's Mustang and I'm almost done with exterior mods on mine. I can't wait until the weather finally warms up so that we can go on photo shoots again. Texas in the winter is just gray and bleak... no pretty snow or scenery... just yuck. Anyways, Spring should be here soon! You can check out my work on the Mustang here: [link] and [link]

Between work and the cars I am keeping busy. I am still deeply within my grief and I know it. It is going to be a very long process. I was hard to lose Erika so young and so tragically but to compound that with the loss of my father... it showed me my strengths and my weaknesses. Tears and sadness comes in waves. Silly things set it off really. A commercial, a TV show scene, a smell, a sound, a memory... but as much as it hurts me I also cherish this... How can I explain this... To push it away and not allow myself to feel it would be denying myself the opportunity to love them even in their deaths. Does that make sense? To honor them I must remember them even if it hurts. To remember them I have to go through the grieving process.

Yeah, I know, that didn't make a whole lot of sense....






Admin for:



txsappho

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defining light | gallery | prints
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My BabyGirl!:

$spyed & $lolly - Keep up the good work.
ALL of dA - past and present Represent!!


Alley Cat Allies

Wild About Cats

I hope 2007 will be happy, healthy, and find everyone where they want to be... Best wishes for all of your newly made resolutions for the new year!

I was just reading gsu's journal and he was asking folks what their 2006 highlights were... this was my list.

2006 for me was:

-entered the 40 decade club
-kept my D70 but upgraded my honey to a D70s
-got a 18-200mm VR for D70
-got a 105mm Micro for D70
-upgraded my 2004 Mustang to 2006 Stampede Mustang
-bought a 2007 Mustang for honey...
-quit smoking
-learned who my friends really are
-lost my father
-gained new dimensions to family relationships
-celebrated 10 years with my honey
-celebrated 7 years on the job

What is yours?






Admin for:



txsappho

-------------
defining light | gallery | prints
-------------
My BabyGirl!:

$spyed & $lolly - Keep up the good work.
ALL of dA - past and present Represent!!


Alley Cat Allies

Wild About Cats

Sorry for the lack of updates folks... I've been out of commission for a bit. For those in the loop, the shots I had in my back during 2005-2006 to eleviate back pain/nerve pain finally wasn't helping. I had emergency ER surgery on 11/8/06 where they removed a 16mm herniated disk from L5/S1 - the last disk in the back. It was VERY PAINFUL up to the surgery. Waking up without pain made me wonder why I ever put it off. So, now that my back is healing, I'm itching to get out and shoot since that is something I couldn't do/didn't want to do while in so much pain.

The family managed to get through Christmas without any major disputes. Thanksgiving was a different matter. The tension is the elephant in the living room - our Dad isn't here - and we're all grieving in our own ways... sometimes it comes out in anger and we strike out. It's been five months... Its getting better... But the holidays were HARD.

I will celebrate 1 year smoke free on 1/1/07 at midnight. Yeah!

So, things are looking up and although it never gets easier gradually I'm coming to terms with Erika dying and her being there to welcome her "Grandpa". I really do miss him.

See you again soon!
Reba






Admin for:



txsappho

-------------
defining light | gallery | prints
-------------
My BabyGirl!:

$spyed & $lolly - Keep up the good work.
ALL of dA - past and present Represent!!


Alley Cat Allies

Wild About Cats

I want to be 10 years old again with no real worries, no fears of the future, no tears for loved ones lost, still full of hope and sunshine and energy. I want to hear my father's voice, hear him laugh, have him kiss the "clean spot" on my forehead just under my blonde bangs, and hug his neck which smelled of bleached white cotton t-shirts, zippos, his cologne, and cigarettes. I want to feel safe again, loved, and protected by the one man I always knew I could trust and that never let me down. I want my Daddy back.

I don't want to be an adult anymore. I don't want to go through this. I want to stop this pain, this seemingly endless process of grieving for those who leave us behind. We never stop grieving the loss because the loss is always there. I just want to stop here, at 40, and go backwards. I want to undo what has been done.

But I know I cant.... And strangely the voice inside me telling me so is my Dad's...

==========

So folks, its been a fucked up summer. It has been 100+ every day, my father was sick, he passed away, my mother was sick and in the hospital for a week (went home on my birthday, 8/16), I turned 40, and the doctor said that I have Osteoarthritis. (We were anticipating Rheumatoid Arthritis so Osteoarthritis was a bit better but not by much.) This means that if they want to operate on my back now that I should probably let them since the issue of having RA is no longer there. (sigh) Yeah, I guess it could be worse. At least it isn't terminal.

Fuck!

Can I do-over? Where is my EASY button? Is it really supposed to be this hard?






Admin for:



txsappho

-------------
defining light | gallery | prints
-------------
My BabyGirl!:

$spyed & $lolly - Keep up the good work.
ALL of dA - past and present Represent!!


Alley Cat Allies

Wild About Cats